let go

I want to be in charge. I want control of my life. To be honest I have a hard time asking someone else to fix my problems, even if it is the Creator of the Universe. That sounds ridiculous, but its true. I know that God would do a much better job at handling my life and it would be a whole lot easier, but there is always that urge to not let go.
It's because my life is too precious to me. In my sometimes very worldly view of things I feel like it's all I've got. Yes, I know I have eternity. This is just a short chapter, a preface really, to what is to come, but I am short sighted. I see my problems and usually have a hard time seeing why my way of thinking and action isn't correct.

So, its time to let go. lose control. Ride through life with out the reins.

lyrics.

i love lyrics.
and i have found my new favorite song.
it has great lyrics.

No ones been riding with me for a long while
so I'm being careful trying to watch my speed
but its getting hard to keep my eyes on the highway
knowing you re over in the passenger seat

My heart be still
I'm havin' trouble breathing
wondering if you feel
the same way that I'm feeling
cold sweat
so strange I can't play it cool

My hearts out on the limit

girl give me something to lose

influence

When i was 8, teenage girls were all that i wanted to be. They were so pretty, so grown up, so perfect. They seemed to be so put together, they wore make-up. they had boy friends, they had cars, they had freedom.

Now I'm there. I'm in that stage of life that seemed to be so fantastic at such a young age. But its not as it seemed. I sometimes cry for no reason, boys confuse me, my car is purple and i usually wear very little to no make up at all. Nothing like the ideals of my childhood. School is hard. Relationships harder and finding my identity in Christ and myself is the hardest of them all.

But I love my life. I love these years. I love the the struggles, I know they are shaping molding me into the woman that i will one day be. Its okay that its not perfect. Its such a beautiful disaster.

So now i look at the little girls around me, the sweet little girls i baby sit. They must think life is great from where I stand. And really, it is. Its just not what they expect.

thats awkward.

Awkward moments make my life.
I am an awkward phone talker, I'm awkward when passing people in the hall and I'm really awkward around people I don't know.
yesterday, i was walking up our stadium stairs with my friend, Ashley and i tripped up the last stair. Number one, tripping is awkward. How are you supposed to respond to that? Pretend like it didn't happen?
that's probably what i would have done if the kid sitting at the top of the stairs didn't say " You tripped." Thank you, I was unaware of this fact. I am so grateful you could point this out for me. Not only that, but my friend cracked up. I mean really cracked up, and replayed the incident multiple times, and told just about everyone we knew that passed. it was awful
So we were coming back up the stairs for some reason or another when Ashley starts to talk to a friends mom. Three girls pass between them, and the man beside the woman Ashley is talking to says "Where are you going?" talking to one of the three girls. Ashley thought he was talking to her. "To my car" she says. "Oh I was talking to my daughter"
"I didn't want to talk to you anyway" and we leave. This time I cracked up. Sweet Karma. It was awkward.