good night

tonight we were real with eachother.
tonight you showed me that you needed me. tonight you asked for an opinion, a real honest opinion. I felt like it really mattered what I thought, you really took what I said to heart.
I gave you my opinion without keeping back anything. This was new, but a lot easier than expected. I gave you evidence of my faith, a faith that I know you know but I am for some reason afraid to show you. but today it was easy.
i love being sibling-like. i just wish it had happened a little earlier.
Tonight I was so proud to be your sister.

'Cowboy, take me away. Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue.'

vulnerable.

I felt like sharing my life today. I felt like being vulnerable.
I don't know where it came from but I needed to write my testimony today, to share it. It felt heavy, real. I wanted to let someone know what I have been through and what God's done, I wanted to share it today. I guess its just one of those weird days.

mothering

We ate lunch with my friends niece today. Shes completely precious, a bouncing blond little three year old. She kept us laughing all lunch, and i found myself mothering all lunch. "Rachel, I'll open that for you. Rachel, look at those beautiful shoes. Rachel, do you want your chocolate milk?" She didn't need me to help her, her uncle was there but its instinctual. Its the mother in me.
so spence, sorry.

self-rightous

I was yelled at tonight.
I felt like it kind of came out of the blue, so it hit pretty hard. Not only the fact that i was being yelled at but what was yelled hurt.
"I just tired of you being so self-righteous."
Well, shoot. Ouch. That hurts.
Being self-righteous is by definition not exactly something someone is going to admit to being. So, all night I've been denying that fact. I am not self-righteous. I am not.
But maybe I am. Maybe I'm not always right. Well, I know I'm not always right. This bothered me so much because that one self-righteous Christian can so easily turn one wandering heart away from the way-too-humble Christ.
As I heard it this weekend, "The biggest reason for Atheism is Christians."
So many Christians parade around like they are better, some how more worthy of God's love. They have been forgiven and the people who haven't found Christ yet are nothing but sin.

Nothing but sin. . . if we think that way, how, in the world, are we supposed to present Christ in a loving manner, anything in the direction of how God would. Why do so many Christians feel that just because people don't love God, God doesn't love them. Haven't we been taught of God's complete and unconditional love? In what verse does it state that His love only applies to the Christians? It doesn't. We have no more right to His love than does one who doesn't know it.

So the first step to a solution is admitting you have a problem, so here goes.
Hi, my name is Christin and sometimes I can be self-righteous.

conditional

"I would love you no matter what."

"haha, well I'm glad your love is unconditional."

"of course."

This is a conversation I had with a friend last night, he had no idea that this was really a big realization that I have come to not too long ago. People aren't going to stop loving me because of my lack of achievements. I don't have to be an amazing lacrosse player, or extremely smart to be loved.

What makes me any different from everyone else if I don't have amazing achievements?

This question has almost been a life purpose. Be different, stand out, give people a reason to love you and do it on your own. You aren't enough with out these achievements there are so many other people out there, you must stand out. and you must do it alone.

LIE.

Number one: I don't need specific achievements to stand out. As much as the Enemy may tell me otherwise, I'm different, I do have value just as God made me. And by virtue of being Christian I stand out. I am different.

Achievement aren't bad, don't get me wrong, they just don't make the person. I don't want people to label me by them, they are fleeting. None can withstand the test of time. But instead mark me by my identity in Christ. Yeah, sometimes I'll admit I don't like the label of Jesus Freak but it is never failing, it's consistent. and a whole lot less stressful. God's got that, I got the easy part.

Number two: I don't have to do it alone. I don't have to do anything alone. God really is always with me. I may forget and I may choose to look away from Him, but everything I do he is with me, and probably doing all the work while I complain about how hard it is.


So I don't know where you are, I don't know if you're a Christian, if you even believe in God but take this for what its worth. It important to me and as obvious as it seems to be it isn't exactly easy to remember, but its an amazing thing when we do.

Today i want to be little again.